Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize