you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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