I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
