Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
