i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
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How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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