Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
