i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
