Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
