I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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