She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
