His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
