would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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