His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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