It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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