I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
