I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
