I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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