i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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