I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why can't burritos get me drunk
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
