Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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