Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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