Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
