Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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