oh god the rape fog is back!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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