Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
