What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire