I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.