I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.