I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?