You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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