He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
