my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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