My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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