my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
