she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this will be a night to untag.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Randomize
