At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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