I think my vagina is haunted
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
