i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
