Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
