remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize