i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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