Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
