Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
