Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
