I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
