he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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