I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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