im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
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The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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