The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
