As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize