Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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