You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
