Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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