There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
