Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
