watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
