I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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