In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
