i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
