Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
