I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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